2016 April

To Accept The Changes…I Cannot Change

More, like what doesn’t change after 30? I can think back to when I was in my early 20’s and I would think, “Why is life so hard?” Flash forward ten years, and now I think, “What the hell was my problem back then?”

I’m 31 years old now, married, two kids, two dogs, a mortgage, etc. When I was 23, all I had to worry about was not consuming carbs (Bam! Down 20 lbs. in one month!) Now, I can’t even play Suck And Blow with a wrapped twinkie without getting diabetes. Here’s a compilation of downgrades you can expect after age 30:

Cons (Always start with the bad news first, right?)-

  1. Lack Of Sleep= Mombie
  2. Your life and the lives of those around you depend on how strong your coffee is (spiked or not)
  3. Saggy, dropping, stretched out ______________, ____________, and ______________.
  4. Grooming? Only on special occasions. Who has time for themselves every.single.day? I’ll tell you who. This Woman did, back when she still had her youth. So, I’m going to take a stab in the dark and say…the single, young, and rich have PLENTY OF TIME.
  5. You start receiving vacuums, toasters, and coffee makers for Christmas…and you like it!
  6. Furniture excites you. New bedding? Even better!
  7. Hair and skin? Puberty, is that you coming back for seconds?
  8. Baby weight to lose? HAHA! Good luck with that! What took you a month to lose twenty pounds before kids, will now take you to a certified plastic surgeon, a few juice cleanses, and removing dairy, sugar, processed food, and carbs (again) from your diet.
  9. Back pain, poor eye sight, snoring, and frequent night time urination.
  10. Had a few cocktails? Plan on feeling like death for the next two days.
  11. Physical, mental, and emotional recovery takes twice as long.

Now, time for some postive vibes on the subject-

  1. The love you feel for your children is unattainable compaired to all other relationships you have formed in your lifetime.
  2. Making decisions like an adult has benefits. Benefits to your health and  benefits to your wealth. Who knew?
  3. You have an anxiety attack and consciously decide you will not die, because you already have a Rx for Xanax.
  4. Once in a blue moon, you have the oppurtunity to go on a “date night” with your spouse. The Grandparents help you out and take the kids overnight. Dinner and a movie perhaps? Wrong! You only make it through dinner because you would rather go home and sleep, instead of falling asleep at the theater. Good choice!
  5. I’m sure there’s more “Pros” to this list, but I’m hungry and I need to go make a sandwich on gluten free bread.

If I’ve forgotten anything one might or might not look forward to, after turning thirty, please include it in the comments below!

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